Dragon Age Origins: Haunted Memory
by Frostbrandt
Summary: The Grey Warden still deeply regrets how he failed Jowan back in the tower, but now he has a chance to set things right and he's not letting things slip. Starring M!Surana (Elven Mage Warden)
1. Dealing with Regret

_Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age. The characters shown in the story belong to Bioware except for Ryses Surana. This fanfic was written because Jowan's Intention, a side quest in the game, is bugged and cannot be started so I'm making my own to make this canon in my head for my main playthrough. Enjoy! _

_**Chapter 1**_

Ryses stared out into the night sky, gazing at the stars pondering on what had happened at Redcliffe. All in all, he should have been happy with himself for he saved the village with minimal casualties, fulfilled his promise to the blacksmith of rescuing his daughter, and convinced the circle, his home and where he learnt most of his spells to come with a council of other mages and lyrium to kill the desire demon that wrecked the village without having to kill Connor. Just when his mind was trailing off to what haunted him the most Leliana walked out from the shadows and took a seat right beside him. They stared into each other's eyes briefly, smiling lightly, before Leliana decided to interrupt the silence.

"My love, is something bothering you?" Leliana asked tenderly, with more kindness than Ryses ever suspected he would get from a chantry sister. He thought about keeping his problems to himself as to not burden her but she had been so open with him and it was time he did the same.

"Jowan was the only friend I ever had in the circle. He made some bad decisions but he's still my friend, and the way he wanted to redeem himself…" he trailed off, trying to find the right words to explain himself.

"You think everything that happened to him was your fault?" Leliana asked concerned.

"Isn't it? He wanted to redeem himself in a way that would probably get him executed, and because I was familiar with his stubbornness I knew I couldn't explain to him why it was a bad idea so instead my last words to him were to leave, because I never wanted to see him again." Ryses continued to gather his thoughts until he had the rights words to speak with.

"I promised to make sure he could run away from the circle with Lily, this chantry initiate he loved, but instead she discovered that he was a blood mage and now he's on the run alone with no help because…" Ryses was desperately holding back all the pain now, "because I wasn't strong enough to protect him. Everything he's going through now can't be blamed on anyone but me." Leliana just looked at him with sympathetic eyes, shocked to see that her elven leader and lover, who was always so confident in his magic, was holding back so much pain after all this time. He had been betrayed, just like her, but he didn't even realize it, and he still cared for this person. She stood up and held her hands out, keeping her elbows by her hips as she smiled down upon him. Ryses chuckled, but stood up in response and they embraced one another. There was serenity between them for a moment, but once again it was Leliana who broke the silence.

"It's not your fault that he couldn't use blood magic as responsibly as you can Ryses, and he chose his own destiny. He's the one who should be living with the consequences, not you," Leliana whispered in his ear.

"Maybe, but back at the tower, I've always felt that maybe had we taken another route or moved more quickly he'd be free and living a happy life rather than a fugitive on the run." Ryses's heart remained anchored down in darkness by guilt, with the only comfort he had being in Leliana's arms.

"Maybe it was his punishment brought down on him by the Maker for dabbling in forbidden knowledge for such selfish reasons. Or maybe he did this so you would be prepared for your duty as a Grey Warden. The Maker has a reason for the events that happen in our life." Leliana's words did make some sense to Ryses. Though he wasn't incredibly religious Ryses did consider himself an Andrastian who believed the Maker worked in mysterious ways, and they both agreed that it was possible that He's not truly gone, and if this pain led him to Leliana then some good came out of it.

"I guess I never really looked at it this way," Ryses began. He was still shackled by guilt, but perhaps it was the start to healing. He loosened his hug slightly so that the two lovers could see each other's faces as he smiled for her.

"Thank you Leliana, for helping me see this in a different light." She smiled back, still able to see pain in his eyes but glad that he at least felt slightly better.

"I'm here for Ryses, whenever you need me," she replied sweetly as she dragged him back towards her tent, "Now come, my bedroll is probably cozy and warm by now." Ryses's eyes widened at the statement. He was sexually deprived due to living in the tower his whole life and being 'overly fussy' about what kind of girl he wanted to be with, but he knew how to take a flirty hint.

"Sharing blessings tonight Leliana?" Ryses asked flirtatiously.

"Of course, tonight is that kind of night," she answered. And for the rest of the night, no one got any sleep.

_Just so it is known, there's only going to be two chapters, including this one. So my next chapter is going to see how the Elven Mage Warden and Jowan's story ends._

_-Frostbrandt_

_PS: I'm still working on ME2 – Flotilla Confliction, it is just taking a while as usual. This is just a little break from Mass Effect. I thank you for the patience._


	2. Ryses's Hunch

_**Chapter 2**_

_Just a few things you should know that I don't want to waste time explaining in the actual story. Ryses is wearing the default mage robes (not apprentice, MAGE, the orange ones) and using the Grand Oak's Branch, Alistair is wearing Cailan's armor set and shield from the Return to Ostagar DLC and using Maric's sword, Leliana is wearing Leather Armor (tier 4, which is green) along with Marjolaine's recurve and Wynne is wearing her usual red robes along with Harrowmont's staff. Ok, let's get into it! _

Ryses trod along through the Brecilian Forest with Leliana, Alistair and Wynne close behind him. He had already dealt with the Dalish that currently resided in the forest long ago, since before saving Redcliffe. In fact he made sure to put Redcliffe off for as long as possible due to not wanting to get mixed up in all the politics.

"Remind us, Ryses, why we have come back when we still have a landsmeet to contend with?" Alistair asked confused while brushing off leaves from his armour.

"Because we need elfroots for making poultices," Ryses stated bluntly.

"And we're getting involved in the affairs of various nobles. Trust me, a good bard knows to never trust these events to be safe, so the extra supplies might come in handy," Leliana added in as a friendly gesture.

"Right, just in case they try to assassinate someone important you know," Alistair replied snidely.

"Careful Alistair," Wynne lectured, "you're going to be king. 'Someone important' could be you if you're not careful." Afterwards Alistair and Wynne went off into a conversation about duty and how the nobles ran things in Fereldan, which Leliana joined in, calling it 'the game,' but Ryses was too busy picking elfroot plants off the ground to pay attention. The next plant he came across had a most disturbing sight right next to it; a dead body, coated in armor and so stained with blood that it was beyond cleansing. Ryses flipped it over and became even more disturbed by the sword of mercy that was inlaid into the breast plate. By now his companions had stopped discussing kings and nobles to examine the body with their leader.

"No doubt about it, it's a Templar," Ryses informed.

"A Templar? Out here?" Alistair asked surprised even though he realized he shouldn't be.

"I hate to imagine what this man was doing in these woods," Wynne expressed concerned, "was he looking for blood mages? Ryses crouched down to dip two fingers into the blood that soaked the corpse's armour and stared into it closely for several seconds before rubbing his fingers dry on the grass and standing back up.

"It's a fresh kill, and it looks like blood magic has been used," Ryses confirmed. Now he waited for a reply from his team, who would all probably want to find this blood mage and take him down before he could hurt anyone else. One response he did receive however surprised him to extremities.

"Ryses," Leliana began tenderly, "I know how you feel about blood magic and apostates. You've shown me an alternative to looking at these things. If you would rather let this man go, I won't blame you." This shocked Ryses since she had always been so against blood magic like every other person who worshipped the Maker, but he was able to make her take a greyer and less black and white view on this matter through example alone. At this moment he knew he should proud of himself.

"I think we should try and find this Maleficar," Alistair suggested, "he would have left a trail we can still follow and we shouldn't let him harm anyone else." This didn't surprise Ryses too much considering Alistair used to be a Templar himself, who was most likely indoctrinated into having strong feelings about blood magic from the moment he began his training.

"I agree with Alistair, we should investigate," Wynne contributed. Ryses was also unsurprised by Wynne's input because she was a dutiful woman who always wanted to do the right thing which he always respected, even if she did find her reasons somewhat close-minded at times.

"Good," Ryses replied emotionlessly as he stared towards the Templar's corpse, "because I have a hunch on who did this, and I plan to finish something I stumbled into a long time ago." Leliana's eyes widened when she heard this. She knew who he was thinking of and cringed, believing that last night he was finally starting to forgive himself, but it seemed like his past would just keep dragging him back. Regardless, the party traveled deeper into the woods ignoring what was their task of collecting elfroot and followed a trail left behind by the culprit which consisted of foot prints, damaged plants and fresh blood for several minutes. A few times they were ambushed by possessed trees or darkspawn but with Alistair's skill at arms, Leliana's quick aim, Wynne's powerful fire magic and Ryses's ability to heal his friends through sanguine self sacrifice the party prevailed easily until finally finding their objective. They rushed into an open field within the forest to see two sides seemingly about to engage each other in combat. On Ryses's left was a group of four Templars and four other warriors of unknown affiliation wearing leather armour and carrying large two handed weapons on their backs. On his left were a group of ten, probably peasants or others who didn't know who to fight. At their forefront seemed to be their only defense; a male human with long black hair, a blue robe similar to Ryses's and holding a knife to his wrist. Ryses recognized this man straight away, and finally knew for sure that his hunch earlier was correct.

"Jowan!" Ryses called out, finally no longer sounding like a tranquil mage. The human looked around in shock.

"Ryses? You're here?" Jowan asked surprised. He never thought he'd see his elven friend again but there he was unexpected for a second time.

"Somehow I knew I'd see you again," Ryses declared smiling, "what's going on?"

Stay out of this knife-ear!" one of the leather clad warriors pointed at him, "or you'll die just like them!" Ryses simply ignored this man for he wanted to know what was really going on from Jowan.

"I saw that body you left behind Jowan, care to explain what happened?" Ryses asked suspiciously.

"Look, it's not what it looks like, I can explain," Jowan defended as he gestured with his hands.

"This man here is protecting us," an old elven woman cried out from the crowd behind him, "those Templars have abused elves within their alienages and humans within their homes and stores for personal profit, just like the thieves they accompany." Another person, a man of middle age, stepped forward to back up the elven woman's statement.

"They destroy our lives, leaving us with nothing, and threatening to have US punished if we breathe a word. This man is taking us in and fighting back against these criminals! Please, you don't hurt him!" Ryses just looked at Jowan in surprise, who in response just shrugged his shoulders.

"We'll say it again," a Templar spoke this time, "unless you want to end up chopped to pieces like we're about to do to this blood mage and his accomplices, we'll cut you down for obstruction of justice.

"Justice? These Templars are worse than the blood mages and abominations they have sworn to defend the people from!" Wynne shouted out angrily. Seeing Templars act like this just enraged her.

"These men are just heartless opportunists abusing their power, the Maker will judge their actions," Leliana declared disgusted. Ryses turned his head around to look at Leliana

"I've been oppressed by the Templars my whole life, I'm really not surprised they would stoop to this level," Ryses replied casually.

"This is your final warning," the same Templar declared, "leave now or suffer the consequences!"

"We can't just let them just slaughter those people. Please don't tell me we're just going to get up and leave," Alistair pleaded. By now Ryses had already reached for his oak branch and cut his wrist open on a sharp twig at the very top.

"We're not," Ryses ordered, "these Templar swine are dead. Jowan, make their blood boil!" Jowan slit his wrist, letting the blood flow out as he used his magic to control it, and hurled a large ball of blood into the centre of the enemy formation. The thieves were quick and most evaded but one was struck but Jowan's blood wound spell and so were the Templars as they began to twitch on the spot uncontrollably in pain though one had the strength to resist his spell. Ryses cast grease at the Templars which made them all slip, including the Templar that resisted, signaling Wynne to launch a fireball at the oily Templars and they screeched in pain as they began to burn alive, filling the air with the smell of burnt flesh. The toughest of the Templars who survived both Jowan's blood magic and the grease fire came back out but severely weakened and Alistair bested him in swordplay easily, landing a fatal stab through the weakened plate armour and piercing an important organ. The four thieves rushed towards Ryses and his team but Leliana landed a clean head shot from her bow on one of them, leaving only three. Ryses cast a glyph of repulsion close to Leliana, Wynne and himself, pushing them back straight into Alistair's reach. As he attempted to deliver the final blow to each other them the thieves quickly got back up on their feet and began hammering at him with their axes leaving the him with his shield up on the defense and unable to land in a clear blow. Jowan magically injected one of those four thieves with a poison which greatly distorted his innards though the only feeling he seemed to notice was a slight nausea.

"Ryses, kill that man quickly!" Jowan shouted to his elven friend. He got the hint.

"Alistair! Keep your shield up and brace yourself!" Ryses ordered.

He turned back to the poisoned thief and focused his life energy to hit him with an arcane bolt followed with winter's grasp, enough to kill any man with no protection from magic. The poison Jowan injected earlier activated upon his death, causing his falling body to explode in a shower of flying blood, meat and bone which knocked Alistair back, though not off his feet, while another thief was killed by the explosion and the last two were badly injured.

"You bastards will regret standing up to us!" One of the thieves shouted in rage as both of them continued their foolish assault. Jowan cast another blood wound in the centre of them which they evaded again but this was a trap which Ryses had been expecting him to perform and channeled his blood to form a paralysis glyph on the ground which one of the thieves stepped in. Jowan controlled the other using blood magic to chop his immobile ally dead who was then slain instantly afterwards by an arcane bolt and some staff attacks by Ryses. His team and Jowan breathed exhaled at the end of a victorious battle and sheathed their weapons. Ryses did one final battle examination and saw that while Leliana and Wynne were perfectly fine Alistair and suffered some cuts from being so heavily assaulted and no doubt Jowan had used up just as much blood as he did, which was a lot, and so he called on a spirit from the fade and healed them all with a single spell. Jowan eagerly approached him, thankful for his aid.

_Right so after I wrote this I realized that this story would take slightly longer than I planned so one more chapter is coming up soon so until then, farewell._

_-Frostbrandt_


	3. Goodbye, my friend

_**Chapter 3**_

"Thank you Ryses, if you hadn't shown up…"

"I'm just glad I happened to be in the area. It's good that you're ok," Ryses replied with a smile on his face he couldn't control. Jowan himself however seemed to be put off by that.

"But I thought you hated me ever since escaping the circle together," Jowan exclaimed confused.

"No Jowan, you'll always be my friend, more than that, like the brother I never had. What I said back in the dungeon… I didn't mean it. I just wanted to really make sure you'd leave because I didn't want the nobles dancing on your grave," Ryses admitted ashamed, "and I'm sorry. Sorry for what I said and sorry for not being able to get you and Lily out properly. If I had been stronger you'd probably both be living a quiet and happy life in Orlais as farmers or something, but instead you're on the run from the Templars and Lily's most likely in Aeonar for all I know because I hesitated to disable the Templars myself. And I'm… sorry that it all had to lead up to this." Jowan was taken back even more. He had always blamed himself for his own mistakes and regretted them with a pain that he thought only he would understand but his friend, his best friend, had blamed himself for everything he had done and he didn't even realize it.

"Ryses, it's not your fault. You aren't the one who forced me to dabble in blood magic. I took it up myself because I felt inferior to you. Every blunder in my life since then has been a result of that, not because of you. You should forgive yourself, you had nothing to do with my misery." Ryses had heard this from Wynne and Leliana before, but this was the first time his words actually held meaning as they were coming from the very person he had wronged, but he was still confused about one thing.

"You felt inferior? But I was only as good as you," Ryses insisted.

"No, your spells were always more powerful, and you had unrivaled skills in creation, which is one of the harder schools to master. I excelled in nothing so grand." Jowan's voice slowly and steadily became less serious and much friendlier as he spoke more, "speaking of which, you seem to have taken up blood magic yourself."

"Well what can I say, there were so many blood mages within the circle rebelling when I returned, I guess watching them a few times allowed me to improvise on the rest," Ryses chuckled, "besides, anything to see the blight gone."

"You see, you are much braver and cleverer than I," Jowan pointed out as he knew no other mage who could learn so much just by watching others briefly without guidance, "what are you doing here anyway?"

"Arl Eamon is going to hold a landsmeet to try and defeat Loghain in some complicated political scheme I don't care to understand, I was just gathering elfroot while I had time," Ryses replied.

"Arl Eamon? He's alive?" Jowan asked surprised.

"We healed him," Ryses explained as he placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "so don't worry, my team and I fixed everything."

"Thank the Maker," Jowan sighed in relief, "if he had died I'd never have forgiven myself."

"Would have been nice if he wasn't poisoned to begin with though, you know, just throwing that out there," Alistair remarked casually, though he was mostly ignored.

"What are you going to do now?" Ryses asked curious about his friend's plan.

"I need to get these people someplace safe, that probably means building some shacks here within the forest," Jowan replied as he turned his head back a quick moment to look at the elves and humans behind him, "the Templars have put them through enough trouble, and I want to do the right thing for once." Ryses smiled and nodded in approval.

"That's a noble goal Jowan, keep them safe and be careful out there, we live in a cruel world."

"Thank you Ryses," Jowan replied as he felt joy leaping out of his skin for the first time since he escaped the circle, "I hope we meet again under safer circumstances."

"You know I could always help you get them someplace quick if you want to join me to fight the blight," Ryses teased, though he wished he would agree. Jowan raised an eyebrow and smiled nonetheless.

"I don't think I'm cut out for killing darkspawn, I've never really been good at fighting. Protecting these people however, this I can do." Ryses nodded his head in agreement.

"I think it's time for us to part before we get attacked by more Templars," Ryses said quite sadly, "and we both have a duty to get back to. Maker be with you Jowan."

"You to Ryses, come back alive so we can meet up again someday, I'll be in this forest living with these people," Jowan replied cheerfully as he and the peasants he protected headed off, disappearing into the forest and away from Ryses's sight. The warden crossed his arms and smiled to himself one last time at that moment, finally finding the strength to forgive himself for what he thought was the day he ruined the life of the man who had always been like a brother to him.

"Goodbye, my friend."

_And there it is, my version of what happened between the Mage Warden and Jowan, and the happy ending I believe the two friends deserve. I hope you guys enjoy this, because I sure as hell took a while to flesh this out in my head properly_

_-Frostbrandt_


End file.
